The Aftermath

It has been two years and five months since I had my last chemotherapy.  For that alone I am eternally grateful.  However, I must say that some days (and it may be a lot of days) wherein I struggle to function.  It appears as though my mind is foggy and my thought escape me.  It is those nights wherein my sleep is complete by 3:00 a.m. for the rest of the day.  Once up, (even if I lay there) I am up for the entire day.  My mid-afternoons are filled with “fill in the blanks”.  Now, you are probably thinking Alzheimer is sinking in, but that is not the case.  After chemotherapy, I was diagnosed with chemobrain wherein your brain is clogged like a heavy cloud in the sky.  Working through it can be difficult at times and it is stated that over time it should get better.  Here’s the thing, what does “over time” mean?  How long is “over time”, when will “over time” return to 100% normal?  I am going to explain this in a minute.

I am constantly listening to my word in the car as I drive to and from my job.  Sometimes, I just want to pull over, get out of the car and scream to the top of my lungs ‘THANK YOU JESUS” for all the world to hear.  I don’t believe I am the only one who feels this way after you have been delivered from a deadly disease.  With that being said, I have a few concerns that I will not call complaints, because technically, after what I have been through, there aren’t any.

While going through chemo you have so much support from everyone involved.  That includes ENTs, Oncologists, nurses, etc.  But when you complete the process there is no one there to talk to about what you feel on the inside at times.  There is really no one there who can really relate to what you have gone through, how you became a survivor and the main question is “after cancer, then what.”  That is where my mind has been for the past couple of weeks.  My prayer is that I could possibly start a network with survivors who also feel the way that I do at times.  I feel it would be a great help to the community of cancer survivors and an encouragement as well.  This time, in stead of hitting like, sending hearts, smiles, etc.  I want to hear from you.  I want to hear your words, your comments and any insight you may have.  Everyone has an opinion and this time I need yours.  Thanks for reading this and I look forward to hearing from you.



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