A DAY OF REMINISCING

My mind has been flooded this morning about all of my cousins.  When I began to think how important family is, I began to remember the ones who have gone on.  The list was quite long and each one had a special place in my heart.  If you are reading this and you were related to any of these people, say something that will make you smile about them.

  • Thomas Bass (“Tommy”)
  • Daniel Bass (“Danny”)
  • Bridget Bass
  • Joseph Boyd (“Joe”)
  • Jonathan Boyd
  • Brian Aiken
  • Allan Aiken (“Choo Choo”)
  • Pamela Aiken (“Pam”)
  • Jean Aiken
  • Robert McCann (“Bobby”)

Each one of these had a special place in my heart.  Tommy was a comedian and always playing around.

Danny and my brother Brian were like two peas in a pod.

Bridget was a little lady.

Joseph was the intellect.

Jonathan was always singing and producing.

Allan was always somewhere with his camera taking pictures.

Pam was a songbird.

Jean was just plain nice and a wonderful person.

Bobby was the basketball player.

See, if you take the time to reminisce, you will be able to see all of the great qualities that God graced us with when he gave us each one of these people.  Don’t let your day go by without thanking God for the family we were born in.  Family really does matter.

Be Blessed!!!!!

 

DISHEARTENED

After two years five months since last chemotherapy, I am finding myself at a loss.  Most would say you should be thankful that you are still alive.  I am! Someone else might say that after all you have been through, girl you are blessed.  I am!  Another might say, you look great having gone through what you have gone through.  I do! Then there is the one who will ask “Why are you disheartened.”  Oh this is the question I have been waiting for.  Let me explain why on this day October 13, 2016, I feel like this.

What you see is only things that the naked eye can see.  The surface.  Yes, the surface always look good.  Make-up just right, not overly done but just enough to give my face a illuminated effect.  Hair extremely versatile.  Pulled back in a bun on days when hands aren’t working very well (but you are still looking at the surface), rocking twist outs, full blown afro and even a straight look.  Clothes are nice and fitting.  Girl you look good. Girl you’ve gain weight I can see it in your face.  Well to be honest with you, I have gained quite a bit and I am happy about it.  All this is what the eye sees.

I am disheartened today due to the fact that (1) If I put on a dress shoe or any other shoe regardless to what it is, I can’t keep then on for long because neuropathy has reduced my feeling in my feet; (2) hands tingle do to the same thing; (3)  back will give out at any given time for no reason; (4)  body is sensitive to the touch.

See this is what people can’t see, but God does.  This is a conversation I have with Him everyday because you can’t see it.  If the truth be told, I can’t see it either, but I sure can feel it every moment of the day.  It is just that this one day, I am disheartened.  Other than this one thing, I am wonderfully and beautifully made by the one who created me.

So the next time you come across someone who is a cancer survivor or someone who is going through treatments, remember things aren’t always what they may appear to be.  In that case, say a prayer for them.  Because believe it or not they just may be disheartened.

 

The Aftermath

It has been two years and five months since I had my last chemotherapy.  For that alone I am eternally grateful.  However, I must say that some days (and it may be a lot of days) wherein I struggle to function.  It appears as though my mind is foggy and my thought escape me.  It is those nights wherein my sleep is complete by 3:00 a.m. for the rest of the day.  Once up, (even if I lay there) I am up for the entire day.  My mid-afternoons are filled with “fill in the blanks”.  Now, you are probably thinking Alzheimer is sinking in, but that is not the case.  After chemotherapy, I was diagnosed with chemobrain wherein your brain is clogged like a heavy cloud in the sky.  Working through it can be difficult at times and it is stated that over time it should get better.  Here’s the thing, what does “over time” mean?  How long is “over time”, when will “over time” return to 100% normal?  I am going to explain this in a minute.

I am constantly listening to my word in the car as I drive to and from my job.  Sometimes, I just want to pull over, get out of the car and scream to the top of my lungs ‘THANK YOU JESUS” for all the world to hear.  I don’t believe I am the only one who feels this way after you have been delivered from a deadly disease.  With that being said, I have a few concerns that I will not call complaints, because technically, after what I have been through, there aren’t any.

While going through chemo you have so much support from everyone involved.  That includes ENTs, Oncologists, nurses, etc.  But when you complete the process there is no one there to talk to about what you feel on the inside at times.  There is really no one there who can really relate to what you have gone through, how you became a survivor and the main question is “after cancer, then what.”  That is where my mind has been for the past couple of weeks.  My prayer is that I could possibly start a network with survivors who also feel the way that I do at times.  I feel it would be a great help to the community of cancer survivors and an encouragement as well.  This time, in stead of hitting like, sending hearts, smiles, etc.  I want to hear from you.  I want to hear your words, your comments and any insight you may have.  Everyone has an opinion and this time I need yours.  Thanks for reading this and I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Many Questions Left Unanswered

Why? How come? Why Not? When? Which Season? How Long? Which day? When will my change come? Why Me? What happened? Who did it?  Will I make it?  Is it going to get any better? Why do I feel like I’m stuck? Which direction?  Why did you ask? Why didn’t you come?  Why did you lie?  Why do you hate me? Why did you leave me? Lord, what now?

Do you have an answer for any of these questions we ask ourselves on a daily basis?  Think about what you are asking yourself and others.  You make come to a definitive answer.

ORDERED

It is funny how God will awaken you with a song in your head when your back is up against the wall.  He has a way to get your attention.  On Monday morning at 3:00 a.m., I opened my eyes while lying in my bed and the only thing I could hear “Ordered”.  It just seem to be an appropriate word to me.  The more I kept saying “Ordered”, then it struck me.  It was the song Fred Hammond sings.  Sometimes it seems as though no matter what turn I take there is a blockage.  I finally got up and made some coffee.  Within a very short period of time, I could not remember that one word for the rest of the day.  I just kept asking God, what is the word I received this morning.  As the entire day passed, I could not remember that word.  The entire day came and went and I found myself right back in the same spot as the night before.  Another 3:00 a.m. encounter with the same word “Ordered”.  I got up and put the song on and it ministered to me differently than when I had last heard it.  This time, I did not forget it.  Below are the lyrics to “Your Steps Have Been Ordered By God”.

When you’ve been called
To have a relationship with God
When you’ve been called to do something great for him
Sometimes, It just don’t feel good
It’s gone be downright hard sometimes
Down right difficult
But the word of the lord
just simply declares one thing

Every step of a righteous man
Is ordered by God
Ordered
Though you may not know his mind
He will reveal it all in time
Just know till then
Your steps are ordered by God

[Verse 1]
When it seems like my mountains to high
And I’m tired of the climb
When it feels like my patience is frustrated with time
I depend on the spirit
To gently remind

Every step of a righteous man
Is ordered by God
Ordered
Though you may not know his mind
He will reveal it all in time
Just know till then
Your steps are ordered by God

[Verse 2]
When my faith is challenged
And my vision is obscured
When I’m hanging on by a thread
And my footings unsure
I look to the spirit
For one word to help me endure
And that word is ordered

[Vamp:]
Ordered, Ordered, Ordered
Before the world was framed
Ordered, Ordered, Ordered
Before the whole world was framed
Ordered, Ordered, Ordered
Before the whole world was framed

Through the fire
Through the flood
When life takes you through winding turns
Ordered, Ordered, Ordered
[x2]

AFTER SUNDAY

After Sunday, then what?  I am so glad you asked. Now the work begins.  You might even ask yourself what to do when you arise in the morning.  Well, for starters, you can begin the thank God for allowing you to sleep in the safety of his arms, for giving you the activity of your limbs, being clothed in your right mind, having the ability to take care of yourself.  Now this is just for starters.  You don’t need a church building.  Your home is where God has placed you to begin your ministry.  Do you have a spouse and children?  Well this is what I call your “After Sunday” moment.  Stop worrying about what others in the house of worship are doing.  What are you doing!  Plan your weekly Bible Study, Prayer Meeting, Events, gatherings, etc.  See, you already have the congregation.  This is what I call an “After Sunday” moment.

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A NEW AWAKENING ABOUT “THE BEGINNING”

The Book of Genesis. I have begun to look at Genesis because of a class I am taking online at Dallas Theological Seminary.  If is amazing how you can read something over and over again and not real…

Source: A NEW AWAKING ABOUT “THE BEGINNING”